Fade to Black
by TXJ
Summary: I get it. I get no longer having the strength to fight both the battles on the outside and the battles within. I get giving up and walking away thinking you are doing what is best. Most of all I get what you are going to deal with when I leave here today...
1. Chapter 1

**Dis:** Copy rights belong to ABC and the creators of Make It or Break It. I own nothing and make no profit for this.

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He should have known better than to unwind in a place owned by a guy named Sal. It was too text book. Sal, was a 'Big Sal' at that, who proudly displayed photos of his family behind the counter. Him and his wife on their wedding day, his two son's who both played college football, his young daughter who had just started college.

The last should have crossed his mind before he entered the gym that night. He was too busy feeling miserable and sorry for himself and the mess his life had become to notice the sharp glares he was receiving, or the unusual hush that had settled as he walked in.

Ellen Beals had meant to hurt him, and she succeeded, but not how she thought she would. Being tossed on his arse out of the sport meant little to him, it was the fact that Payson was being drug through the mud with him that stung. Mix that with the skirted question that Summer hadn't asked, and the fact that he'd managed to run her off by trying to be the good guy, well he just needed to swing at something or someone tonight.

"I'll take who ever you can throw at me tonight." he said signing the usual waver form and heading to warm up.

The first few rounds went by like normal, a fair trade of hits. He was starting to forget his issues and get into the zone when the first taunt came.

"So is it just the girls or do _coach_ the boys too?" there wasn't any room for argument in what he was insinuating with the way he said the word 'coach'. He ignored it though, and took the opening in his opponent's right guard.

The landed blow only escalated the crude taunts.

"So what did you make her call you? Coach? Boss? Daddy? Or did you let her call you by your name?" He felt his stomach lurch, and his vision go red.

He struck out furious and fast. The world could hate him, but why the hell couldn't they just leave Payson out of it. It was bad enough that he had ended the life of one of his gymnast, did he have to ruin the life of another?

"Was it her flexibility or the feeling of a child underneath you that got you off the most?"

The stupid bastard wouldn't have stood a chance, but he wasn't alone in his views. Sasha didn't try to counter their words, he didn't try to back down or back out of the fight. A heavy foot between his shoulder blades as he blocked a right jab took him down. He tried to get back up but there were at least three of them on him at that point.

_"Let them. Let them finish what should have been done to me years ago."_ were his thoughts as he felt his ribs crack and his vision give way to blackness.


	2. Chapter 2

**Dis: ** I own nothing and make no profit from this. Copyright and all other legal stuff properties of respective owners.

**AN: **(I hate placing these at the top of a chapter)... If you enjoyed it as a one shot don't read the below. This is a much softer chapter.

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He was still alive, the ache that seemed to radiate from every bone in his body told him that.

"It's about time you woke up. You gave us all a scare Mr. Belov." the doctors voice was deep and rich, his speech an easy cadence.

"Where?" his voice barely made it past his lips, it hurt to speak, not just because his mouth was dry and his throat aching, but the air it took to speak left him seeing spots.

"Take it easy. You are in Denver Central Research Medical, you were rushed here with life threatening injuries. It appears that you are the victim of a rather vicious beating." the doctor filled in.

Sasha tried to wrap his mind around it. It had been some time since he'd been reckless and hotheaded enough to get himself into a fight. He had his gym to think about and his team to get to the Olympics. Then it came crashing back to him, a spasm rocked through him as the memory of walking out of The Rock flashed followed by the words spoken by a nameless face in Sal's boxing rink.

The doctor steadied him and hit a button shooting more medication into his I.V.

"Try to relax, I will let your family know that you have woke up." he gave the doctor a quizzical look.

How long had he been out; the only family that he had was his father who was only gods know where.

"Your in-laws are in the waiting room. You're Mother-in law, Kim, has tried to reach your Father." this doctor was confusing him more by the minute. He knew the medication couldn't be messing with his brain that much. The only Kim that was in Colorado that he knew was Kim Keeler, why would she be claiming him as her son by marriage.

His questions were soon answered when a nurse brought in not just Kim, but her husband Mark as well.

He knew he had to be a real mess from the pained expression that crossed Kim's face before she schooled it back into a neutral look of concern. She'd taken the only chair in the room a few feet from his bed. Mark came and stood with in arms reach, his expression unreadable.

"Do you remember what happened." he asked.

Sasha just nodded knowing he wasn't strong enough to speak.

"Mr. Keeler, his lungs aren't strong enough for him to do much talking now. I'll have the nurse bring him a pad of paper and a pen. Hopefully you are right-handed Mr. Belov?"

This caused Sasha to actually look down at his arms and hands, his left one was in a cast, the wrist broken from what he could tell. So much of him ached that it was hard to pinpoint just one issue.

The doctor checked a few things on the chart, told Kim and Mark that they shouldn't stay too long and moved on. A few moments later a nurse brought in a yellow ruled pad of paper with a blue inked ball point advertizing some sort of medication.

"Is there anything else I can get for you?" she asked after helping him situate the table so that he would have a solid surface to write on.

'Water?' he scribbled quickly

"Sure, but in small amounts." she filled a cup from the small sink in the room and placed it within reach for him.

"I'll bring a pitcher with ice later." she assured him to which he attempted a smile but it ended in a grimace as the bruising on his face pulled.

As soon as the nurse had left, he wrote

'Why are you here?'

Mark's jaw clenched and unclenched several times before Kim spoke up and launched into a whirlwind tale.

"Payson found out you were in Denver, I came to see you, walked into that horrifying scene, called Mark because he was just down the street interviewing for a job, he pulled two of the guys from you while I called the cops. The owner and three guys went to jail. You were barely conscious before medics arrived, you just kept repeating "I'm sorry Amelia and Payson."

All he could do was cringe, he'd been saved by the very people who should have signed his execution. He felt the heat and sting of his tears as they slid down his face and across the cuts.

"I'm not going to pretend to be fool enough not to have some clue about what happened. The owner admitted to police that they had seen the ESPN footage that somebody leaked of the NGO's investigation into that photograph that Beal's had. Maybe you knew what was coming, maybe you didn't, I saw one guy's face, I'm guessing he was the first to make accusations? The other two didn't have a mark on them so I'm guessing when they joined their buddy you decided to lay down and die."

Sasha swallowed hard, Mark had him fixed with a steely gaze that told him how disappointed the older man was in him. He knew the line that would follow and shifted his gaze.

"Do you have any clue what that would have done to Payson if you had died on that floor? Beaten to death over something that she blames herself for?" the last part made him snap his gaze back to the Keeler's.

He saw confirmation of Mark's words on Kim's face. Of course she blamed herself, and he had been ready to take the cowards way out. He had craved the physical pain to drown out the emotional pain that he was feeling. Now he was being overwhelmed by both.

The room started to swim as the medication took hold of him.

"You're not alone Sasha. Rest, we'll be here when you wake up." Kim was holding his hand now, her husbands arms around her. It had been nearly fifteen years since somebody had looked at him with such tenderness and concern.

It felt good, and in a way that made him hurt even worse.

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**AN: ** Will this be a Payson/Sasha? Please don't ask because I don't know yet.


	3. Chapter 3

Dis: I own nothing.

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Marty was there when he woke.

"Good. I died in my sleep." Sasha's still raw throat made the following chuckle more strained than dark.

Marty moved to look him in the eye better and returned the bitter laugh.

"I'm no angel Belov." he smiled.

"We both know that isn't where I'm headed." he turned away from the man.

Once Marty was his teammate and competition, his friend and confidant. Now, after all that had happened between them, he wasn't sure what he felt towards the man. They had both made so many mistakes that to hold a grudge was pointless. After all, Marty had been wise enough to leave when his mistakes would have hurt the girls. What did he do? He stayed until every last one of them had suffered in some form or another.

"So." Marty said watching him as if looking for an opening.

"You've come to lecture me too?" his voice cracks again. He reaches for the glass of water then lifts up the pen and paper when he is done to indicate he is giving up with speech for the moment.

"No. I get it. I get no longer having the strength to fight both the battles on the outside and the battles within. I get giving up and walking away thinking you are doing what is best. Most of all I get what you are going to deal with when I leave here today. You know that right now you have one very pissed off, in American terms," he adds a small smirk "Payson Keeler in the waiting room?"

He groans, both from the pain shooting through his rib cage and the thought of facing her and the pain in her eyes.

'Should have known. Kim and Mark already read me the riot act, only remember a bit through the meds. I don't get that family. They should hate me most.' he scribbled

He knew Marty would understand.

"Nothing happened, anybody who knows you knows nothing would happen, even if you had wanted it to. You're too much of a proud stubborn fool that way. Besides you've been in Payson's position before and, well not that I'm innocent in it, but you know how bad something like that can turn out." Marty didn't meet his eyes this time. They would both carry the scar that tangling with M.J. had left on them for life. Neither had come out victor in that affair.

'I should never have come back, but you left and I saw what they could be. The lure of all of that potential was too much. I haven't changed.'

"You need to stop this. We both know that Ellen Beals has some sort of personal vendetta against you. She has done her best to use me, the NGO and the girls against you. I've spoken with Ronni, she's going to plant the idea in Alex's head that Beals be investigated. I've asked Kim to do the same with Steve Tanner, with the idea planted maybe those two can do some good." Marty gave him an imploring look.

Sasha didn't like the idea. Even if Ellen was evil in incarnate, he didn't need to involve more people from The Rock in his personal affairs. He looked away from Marty, his gaze going out of focus on the medical cabinet built into the wall.

Marty sighed heavily at the prolonged silence and avoidance of eye contact.

"I'll send Payson in." he said leaving the room before Sasha had a chance to respond.

He'd ran over how his conversation with her might go in his head a million times. He knew she was hurt and angry because he left. He also had no doubt that her father's words were true and she was blaming herself for what happened to him. Hopefully her mother had been able to calm her down and talk sense into her.

His hopes of that vanished when she entered the room. A brief flash of shock crossed her face quickly followed by a look of pain and sadness that took her more than a moment to school into her best competition face.

"Hi." he managed with a weak grin. It didn't hurt as bad as when he had woken up but the skin of his face was still tight around the swelling of the bruising and cuts.

"You look like shit." she dead pans in response scooting the chair up to the right side of his bed.

"I blame the food."

"What? They don't serve your brand of cereal here?" she smirked at him but the smile faded almost as quick as it had appeared.

"It's not your fault." he says, not knowing what else to say to her.

"Really?" her voice is scathing and he knows immediately that he's said the wrong thing. "I kiss you, in front of a running camcorder no less, and it is used to ruin you, in doing so I gave Ellen Beals exactly what she had been looking for. Then you run off and this happens to you. How is this not my fault, where am I supposed to draw that conclusion from?" she isn't crying, hasn't raised her voice, but the cool calm in it tells him that she is angry and if he wasn't already laying in a hospital bed he'd have good reason to fear her putting him in one.

He thought to tell her that she was young and that this was about things far more complicated than a simple crush, but he knew saying such things would only belittle her feelings and hurt her worse. There was no way to end this round robin of blame with out causing more pain, he braced himself to make her hate him. He didn't want to rattle her confidence and steal her dream away. She was strong, if she could walk away from him, maybe just maybe she would still have a chance.

"Payson as great of an athlete as you are, you are not the center of the universe. My reputation started down this path before you could even do a cartwheel. I have hurt and used so many people and you're just another on the list." he paused as she bit her lip and fervently shook her head.

"That's not true. You were-" he cut her off.

"When will you see that all I touch turns to ash? I destroyed my family, left my mother to die alone, ruined my own career, forfeited the life of an athlete in my care and have now set lite to your dreams." his voice horse to begin with cracked with the emotion he was choking on.

Again Payson didn't show the emotion he had expected. His confessions as they were calmed her from all out ward appearance.

"I thought you'd figured it out by now, I'm not some spring flower that will wilt near a flame. I'm a phoenix and I have risen from the ash once with your help, and I will do it again if I must." her voice is filled with determination, it reminds him of her persistence when she was determined to come back as a power gymnast.

When the intensity in her eyes doesn't let up he finds himself having to look away. He lets his eyes go unfocused on the heart monitor, the steady rise and fall of the line blurring after a few seconds. He expects her to leave at any moment.

"It's funny, until now I had thought of us as the same. Birds of a feather if you will." she continued softly.

He didn't turn his head, but listened to her intently, he could tell that she had moved even closer to the bed, her voice so near him.

"Your words of encouragement, my phoenix song; giving me strength to go on when I didn't believe in myself."

He swallowed hard at her words. He understood the metaphor she was using, heck he'd thought about using it himself at one time. But now he was broken, he felt too tired to get up, to fight, to rise from the cinder and ash again. Then she slid her hand over his, holder her palm to the back of his hand and squeezing. It was the most contact he'd had with a person since the night Summer had run out on him, with the exception of the regular then ultimate beating he took at Sal's.

"Why can't you let me do the same for you? You said the relationship between coach and athlete was different from any other,for us it's more intense than most. Why wont you allow me to believe in you the way you believed in me?" The innocence and earnest sincerity in her voice nearly broke him all over again.

There were so many answers he could give her, so many reasons. The truth was it had never occurred to him to rely on her, that someone might actually have his back when he needed it. He couldn't tell her that, not right now, just as he couldn't accept her help. He needed her to go, to leave before she had to witness him completely shatter; because if she stayed there looking at him, offering him hope that he knew he couldn't have, he would do just that.

"Payson I can't. I won't. You're just a child and have no clue what it is that you offer. Please, I'm tired, you need to leave." He had turned to look her in the eye when saying this, he watched her swallow hard as her eyes filled with un-shed tears. It made what little of his heart was left ache, but he knew the pain he caused her now would be for the best in the end.

She squeezed his hand in response, and for a moment he thought she was going to argue with him. Then she turned and walked towards the door.

"Rest well Sasha, I'll see you tomorrow." he'd barely heard her words and she was gone before he could form a reply.

He bit down on his good fist to keep the cry of agony from escaping but it did anyways as he slammed the cast on his left wrist onto the bed.

The spike in his heart rate brought in the nurse. He lay there unresponsive as the nurse busied about him, the only thing he could feel was the hot track of the silent tears running down his face, even the cuts didn't sting anymore. She must have injected more medication into his IV because soon the world faded away.

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**AN:** Sadistic little plot bunny isn't he? Never realized Phoenix lore was so sparse... so yes, I may have borrowed a bit of the HP universe lore. Though I keep getting these weird mental images of Payson as Jean Grey from X-Men using this metaphor... my poor twisted mind.


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